kulitz world

Domain

2007-05-02T19:13:00.000+08:00

I am thinking of buying my own domain.... mura lang naman P600 for one year plus registration fee na P200... then one year na ring libre ang web hosting.... Tingin nyo ba ok na yun?

I have an entry sa isang acct ko http://irakulit.wordpress.com. check nyo na lang... hehehe!

Stressful hours

2007-04-30T19:57:00.000+08:00

MY stressful hours is about to wrapped up.... 12 stories were earlier lined up in my page and I was rushing to finish everything... then suddenly they've decided na ilipat na lang sa ibang page yung mga news. Actually hindi talaga kasya plus they want to put pa 2 photos...hay! Sakit talaga ng ulo ko!

Plus, namo-mroblema pa ako sa money na hawak ko, yun kasing friend ko pinakuha yung salary nya ngayon eh sa akin pinahahawakan kasi punta ng outing mga tao dito baka daw mawala, isip ko... paano kung mawala ko? Ako walang pang-abono! Waaaaaahhhh! Katakot pa naman dito sa Pinas... holdup diba? Hay! Pray for me guys!

Philip will fetch me tonight at work, kasi malayo biyahe ko and prone nga ang araw na ito sa holdup... tomorrow showing na Spiderman 3 dito, we are 3 days ahead in US.... sana mapanood ko sya sa Thursday or over the weekend.

Yun lang!

sleepy days

2007-04-27T18:55:00.000+08:00

I feel so sleepy these past few days, Edrick always wakes me and his papa at dawn because of his own reasons... but maybe the main reason is the climate... its really hot here even at dawn. Kaya tuloy... I feel sleepy at work... hay!

Yesterday was my off... I thought I can sleep the whole day, but my bebe kept me busy taking care of him. He always calls my attention- trying to communicate with me with his coos ( how I wish I can understand him). He likes sitting between my thighs. Loves to laugh that would make you laugh too... holds my face and feel my cheeks... he likes kissing his father (he really does that, swear!)

just a day

2007-04-20T19:12:00.000+08:00

nothing really special happened to me... just work work work...

oh! yesterday was my day off... my 4th day at work and I am resting at home.... although not really, I finished my laundry (BUNCH!)

my sis bday

2007-04-18T19:01:00.000+08:00

TODAY is my youngest sis bday! I really need to go home early... as in! Baka kasi maubusan ako ng fried chicken... si Papa ko pa naman nagluto... sarap!

---

Last night was really **** *sigh*... I arrived home around 10:00 pm and starving to death, my youngest sis informed me that mama cooked "gulay" but unfortunately my 2- yr old nephew spilled everything on the center table of our living room (I wonder how he was able to get the food container on the dining table without any of them noticing him)then I just decided to re- heat the fried tilapia just to eat something hot but they detached the hose of the gas range which connects to the lpg... I was quite pissed already. Then I turned to the water dispenser to get hot water and make my coffee but water is already drained... arrrggggghhh! My hubby, put some water... but when I was eating, I stood up to get some water and when I came back I found out that my nephew is now sitting on my chair and eating my own food! I turned to my ate and saw her sleeping on the futton bed--- I got mad seeing my nephew like that while my ate is just sleeping, so I left the dining.

These past few days I'm so irritated with ate for complaining so much things happening in her life lately, while mama, I and my youngest sis doing everything to take good care of her 2 kids. Everything in her life right now are outcome of her previous decision... Got married right after she graduated in College. She's not doing any household chores, my youngest sis, I and mama were the one doing everything... of course doing her laundry is not our obligation... and yet she is still complaining that she is exhausted the whole day. She only thinks of herself. She is so selfish.... Grrrrrrr!

Thank God I have my hubby... he decided to buy me some noodles at chowking even its almost 1 in the morning even though he will surely walk very far... going there and going back...We were able to sleep around 3am. *sigh*

hmp!

2007-04-17T19:31:00.000+08:00

Yeba!-- Was the first word I utter on my mind when I read the word "CONGRATULATIONS!" in a text message from a friend... I was experiencing mixed emotions... he informed me that I did passed the interviews (dunno if that really was an interview) and informed me too that I have to wait for the CEO's schedule to interview me... It took one month before I received a call from the HR asking if I could go to their office. Little did I know... no interview will ever happened, the EIC and the ME just offered a lower salary to me (3k lower than my expected salary), I was like... mum. Don't want to comment... then after thinking quick as I could (for they are waiting for my decision right then and there) I just made the EIC promised to give me a raise sometime on August of this year... and he said yes!

So in short... I am here working and learning so many things in this world I thought I will never be with anymore. But since I am new and quite younger than my co workers (same section of the department) I know others are thinking if I can really do the job... I'ts almost a year when I left my regular job... and its quite long since I wrote the last feature story in English language... now, I'm doing my best to be back in shape again (particularly my curves... mwahaha!). I know I can make it... I'll do my very best! Wish me Luck!

POST TEST

2007-02-02T16:12:00.000+08:00

Post test.... hihihi!

I'll be always online soon!

Miss you guys!

on hiatus

2006-08-04T22:54:00.000+08:00

sorry guys if I cannot update my blog lately... I'm so busy!

Just need to concentrate on important things in my life.... I'll be back as soon as everything is under my control.... naks!

Naku! dami ko talaga inaasikaso....

Miss you all! MWAHZ!

When happiness and excitement are together

2006-07-21T22:04:00.000+08:00

I can't understand my feelings lately.... hahaha! weird! Yeah, Im soo happy and sooo excited.... I know I am in the right track... I am so thankful to God for guiding me always and giving all I want in life, He is so nice to me.

I am currently wasting my time infront of the pc.... while waiting for Habit... He's going to fetch me to eat somewhere and its 10:00 o'clock in the evening already.... weeeeee! I'm starving! Mwahahaha! Ang takaw!

gotta go and be sure everything is ok.

starting a new life

2006-07-07T22:56:00.000+08:00

Its been a week or so when I finally left my work... quite hard to accept that I have to leave that world (and my staff) but I've got more things to face and do than my newspapering world-- and that's my real life!

What am I doing lately? Im so busy... at home and helping dad in his business... busy too with my personal life. I remembered DREAM's words... "You can't leave your job... sobrang mahal mo kasi trabaho mo"... At that time... I realized DREAM never knew the real ME... neither CARLO nor RENIER.... only one person understands me so well... and that's HABIT.

For how many months... HABIT is always around... having my nice and worsiest times with him... and he stand here by my side--- all these years he never left me alone. Today is July 7th of the year 2006, he woke me up this morning with a kiss and saying "Happy 9th anniversary!" With a breakfast in bed.. that's 10am... then he left and went to work.

He never consider that our years together was cut off when Renier and Carlo came in our life... for him, at present everything is ok and going better and PERIOD.

Uhmmm... I will continue my story when I got the chance again... I'm done with my work for Dad's.... and its almost midnight here... gotta sleep soon or someone will kick my ass... har har har!

ok... I'm not ok

2006-06-19T23:06:00.000+08:00

Geeezzz... I feel not fine. Kasi feeling ko mahal na mahal ko na siya

Will never be

2006-06-16T18:40:00.000+08:00

I thought I was floating on air almost a year ago… yet I found myself it’s just a dream. I was in the dark when someone held my hand and took away my fears and suddenly covered with strength coming from that creature… after a while, I tried to look who owns that hand and saw a beast with red eyes looking at me - a nightmare that scared me so. I did my very best to forget that nightmare, until one day I noticed that he’s still around… yeah, he never left me, but he never talk me, he just stares at me, look and observe. I know he knows all the things happening in me, misses me… I miss him too. But things aren’t the same as before- you just can’t put back in the faucet the water dripping unto the ground- and so the things between us. And will never be!

FINAL

2006-06-14T18:06:00.000+08:00

my fave puppy is for sale!

2006-06-09T13:49:00.000+08:00

I call this dalmatian puppy "GOHAN"... but he is currently for sale. Masama loob ko! Pero wala ako magawa.... pinamili kasi ako ni Kuya, mag-stay si GOHAN pero yung tatay nya na si PICOLO ang ibebenta. Kasi wala na kaming extra na cage for large breed, syempre pag tumanda na si Gohan lalaki sya na maliit ng konti sa Great Dane kasi ganun kalaki ang tatay nya.... eh hindi na sya puwede sa room ko. Ang hirap mamili diba? Pareho ko silang mahal.... si Gohan sa kuwarto ko natutulog, minsan katabi ko sa bed pag bagong ligo sya. Pagdumarating ako galing sa work nagpapakalong sya agad.... waaaaaaahhhhh! Sabi ni kuya kagabi may gusto na bumili kay Gohan... bilin ko lang sa kanya, pag binili na si Gohan... linisin nya at ayusin ang room ko... gusto ko pagdating ko wala akong makikitang trace ni Gohan... mami-miss ko sya! :(

sleepy and sick

2006-06-05T19:25:00.000+08:00

I'm currently at work and its 7:30 in the evening. My tummy is in pain almost the whole day but I cannot go home because of the deadline. I'm so lazy this past few days, this morning I even asked my associate to write the headline story. I need to write the other banner... It's like I am doing a two newspaper.

This morning, I called the attention of all the people who are in charge of recruiting someone to replace me.... Imagine, my boss asked me to interview an applicant who took up a course of Linguistic? And she is an editor of "Precious Hearts Romance novel book"... Dang! Honestly, I do read that books when I was in HS but for job sake!!!!!!!! What would be the future of this newspaper if they will going to replace me with a Filipino romance novel editor?

I asked the secretary of my boss to get the copy of the ad they placed at JobsDB... and oh my! I was laughing and really upset while reading it. Where can you find a 21 year old graduate of Mass Communication who has a 2 year experience in a publishing industry? Aside from the typographical errors and wrong grammar they even put the phrase "has an experience working in a entertainment magazine here and abroad".... And when I read everything I let my boss read it and she told me the HR department didn't get her approval for that... plus the idiot HR Supervisor was the one who made that-- with the signature as sign of approval of the HR manager....whew! As ending... I wrote a new requirements and asked the secretary of my boss to give it to HR department-- I don't want to see that *$#&*@ supervisor...

Andami ko yata nalait ngayong araw na ito.. pero siguro kahit kayo maha-highblood diba? Paano ba naman makakahanap ng matinong kapalit ko kung ganyan???

Teka may naalala pala ako... gagawin ko pa yung set ng exams ng mga applicants bukas saka yung page 2 ko.... mwahahaha!

---

Thinzy! Drama naman ng thanks mo sa blog! hehehe.... love you! MWAHZ!

-no title-

2006-05-31T17:17:00.000+08:00

I didn't put a title on my blog for this day... coz I really don't know what to put.
I am teary eyed almost the whole day which started last night.

I decided to talk to my boss again and let her know that she really needs to find someone to replace me for I really need to leave. As expected she is still asking me to stay and after 2 hours of talking, we concluded it with the decision of "I'll stay" till "we" find someone to replace me. I'm having a hard time to leave them because I love my job and I like my staff.

This morning I woke up so late... 9 am. I rushed to bathroom and go to work. I opened my blog and saw thinzy's comment but since I didn't receive any email from her at my other email I texted her and told her. I am planning to call her since yesterday... And I will (hoy Tina sagutin mo ha?!) when I am not this busy anymore, and when I think I am ok. hehehe!

Something echoed in my mind... "Be strong coz I can't be with you always!" That's Carlo's words.... he always tells me that whenever I am down... yes I am too dependent with him (emotionally). While with HABIT... I am a brat who gets everything I want, until I found out all the mess and broke up with him. Although we still talk... he tried to win me back for how many times--- and I did everything to push him away from me. But this past few months, I could feel how much he loves me... yet I still have doubts with him... I wonder when I can finally remove that thing.

---

Ms. Fukumoto, the Advertising and Circulation manager will fly back to Tokyo tomorrow afternoon... We talked and I think she is really nice, its just that we always argue at work because of the deadline. I bought her a native woven back pack... and she's only a year older than me or maybe just months.

And ohhh... I'll be out tonight for a dinner... hehehe!

usog

2006-05-29T12:59:00.000+08:00

Do u know what that word means? Hindi ko alam i-explain... basta ganito nangyari sa akin last saturday. Supposed to be I'm going to watch a movie, either xmen or MI3. So we went to gateway, but since HABIT has a 5:00 o'clock appointment and the movie will start at 4:20, he asked me if we could move it to Tuesday instead. And I was realy disappointed, it was the third time it was moved. First was I need to finish my deadline, second he has an urgent meeting then the last one was he has a 5:00 appointment. Sa sobrang inis ko hindi na ako nagsasalita. Then he asked me if I want to eat, I just said ikaw bahala. Then inikot namin yung foodcourt, wala akong makitang makakain. Then I saw a talangka (crablets)... sabi ko yun na lang. The price was quite expensive yet he still bought it for me, then we find a table and he left me for a while so that he could choose his own food too. I was eating the crablets when I noticed that someone is looking at me, when I looked at the other table I saw a average looking guy staring at me...Hindi ko na lang pinansin, pero halatang pinapanood nya ako kumain. Then HABIT came with his food (grilled pusit). I asked him to change my barbecue kasi lasang ewan, kaya umalis sya ulit. Then kinuha ko yung isang part ng squid kinain ko... tinitingnan na naman ako nung guy. Hindi ko na sinabi kay HABIT kasi alam ko magagalit sya dun sa guy. Pag-uwi ko masakit na tyan ko, tapos nasusuka na ako at nahihilo at masakit ang ulo. Tapos nilagnat pa ako kinagabihan. Kinuwento ko kay mama, sabi nya baka daw nausog ako nung guy.

waaaahhhhh :((

2006-05-26T13:25:00.000+08:00

Call me stupid but I almost cry few seconds ago... really! My previous supervisor showed me this picture That's Kris Lawrence and my previuos supervisor at work. He was the one who promoted me to where I am right now.

I'm so jealous! He has a new picture together with my crush.... I love this guy so much! I love his voice kasi... check out my playlist and the song "When I see You smile".... Nakakain-love talaga sya pagkumakanta...hihihi!

Then he sent me another picture Waaaaaahhhhhhhh! I wasn't able to hear his voce live... Sir glen kept on saying sorry to me for he promised me that I will come with him or I'll give him my copy of his cd to get signed.

I am quite lonely about that.... hmp!

CHANGE TOPIC. Last night, when I got home from work and rustan's fresh( I bought dispossable diapers for my nephew then I also bought 1/2 pound bar of hersheys dark choco... I can't resist the chocolate... mwahahaha), my nephew didn't smile at me, he just look at me. Unlike before he always smile whenever he see me. Then it took an hour before he calls me..."mama, mama" then I hurridly finish my dinner and get him from my kuya's arm. My youngest sister told me "Ate nakakaawa si Dash kanina, buong maghapon sya pabalik-balik sa room mo tapos kumakatok tawag ng tawag ng mama". Grabeh, sobrang nakonsensya talaga ako. Siguro kung anak ko talaga sya umiyak na ako... feeling ko pabaya akong nanay eh.

Pero kagabi, ok naman na sya... hindi na nagtatampo.

for my readers' sake

2006-05-25T11:52:00.000+08:00

I am working too much lately just for the sake of my readers. For more than a year, I've been wanting to leave this job because it causes me too much stress. Last year my ex-bestfriend/boyfriend asked me to find first a new job before leaving this, he told me that if I'm gonna leave this without a fall back---I am stupid. He thought I listened to what he was trying to tell me, but he doesn't know I was just waiting for something... I don't want to elaborate anymore what was that all about... hehehe. Anyhow, I am forcing myself and kicking my ass to work for my readers sake... why? For a year and so, I've been looking for someone who can replace me, someone that I can teach what to do and someone who will work better for the newspaper. But whenever I thought I find him/ her... my boss will kick him/ her out of this office... reason? Lack of funds. That's why it took me a year before finally filing my resignation which causes too much thinking for my boss. But because my reason was about me having sick because of my job, she asked me stay and told me to eat whenever I need to (or whenever my gastritis might attack), gave me an "increase" (spoken using a dwarf's voice) and she never ask me why I am always late. She's thinking of the newspaper's sake... and I, thinking of the 25,000 or more Filipinos reading this newspaper every issue. Tomorrow is my last day to my work as stated to my resignation letter. What will ever happen to the newspaper if I am going to leave this company? Surely, we will lose our readers. I feel like I've got a big responsibility to these people-- giving them the information and entertainment they need to know and get, giving them something to read to ease their loneliness and wanting to see Philippines soon. Me, having a heart as soft as a cotton candy, sometimes cannot just dump all these people-- well, that's what I feel, If I am going to leave this job, I will dump the 25,000 or more readers always waiting for this newspaper. And more so, my boss didn't look for someone to replace me. And due of this, I just cannot leave this company. *sigh*

Remember our Japanese Big Boss? He's here for the whole week, he talks to me as if nothing happened. He smiles at me as if he didn't scolded me last two weeks ago. Maybe my boss told him that I filed a resignation. And he is asking me to do everything so that our first issue of the classified ads (like) section will look best.

I've been wanting to rest, my friends keep on telling me I really need it.... and I will rest after helping them do this.

CHANGE TOPIC. This morning my mother woke up a bit early than what she got used to. She asked me if I will go to work today and what time. Then I told her I will this morning. She told me her friend will pick her up at 9am, meaning she will be the one to use first the bathroom. Then I went back to sleep. She woke me up with a hug and asked me what time I arrived this morning from work. Suddenly, I missed my mom.... then before my tears drop on my cheeks I told her to go and take a bath for I need to go to work this morning. She answered "Naglalambing pa ako eh". I just laughed! Then without knowing I fell asleep again while she was hugging me.

Before I left, my 1 yr old nephew hugged me tight and said "mama"-- he calls me that way. He cried when he saw me leaving. Geeeezzz, I am missing my family so much! For the whole week my nephew saw me only yesterday morning and this morning... and on both day, he was crying and calling me trying his best not let me go to work. I am missing him too.... so much!

new pics last weekend

2006-05-22T16:53:00.000+08:00

New Pics last weekend... I had a great time with my close friends... I brought along with me my niece... but she hates camera... hahaha!

sige na nga

2006-05-19T11:43:00.000+08:00

mwahahahaha! napipilitan daw ako mag blog.... har har har!

May sakit pa nga ba ako? Meron yata... Katamaran! Kakainis hindi man lamang ako makasulat ng balita at kuwentong kutsero....hmp!

Last Monday I told my ate that it will be my last leave after she warned me that I am earning my leave and they might deduct my absences to my exit pay... but yesterday, I filed a half day, because my back was in pain. Kuya said, the main reason why I am always sick is - I do not want my job anymore... he is also waiting when will I finally stays home...hahaha! But honestly, he was like "uh oh she will stay here at home--- It can't be!" mwahahaha! Eh kasi naman, I am Kuya's spoiled brat... mwahahaha! He can't say no whenever I tell him that I want to go shopping, I want to watch movie or eat in a resto.... mwahahaha! I love him so much! He gives me everything I want as long as he can afford.... Two months ago and til now I am asking for a laptop... I told him I don't have a money... mwahahaha! He said we will buy it this May... but the month is almost over and he haven't bought anything... although we already did some canvassing (is that the right term?) last two weeks ago, and maybe he will buy it not later than July. ohhhhh wish me luck... or else I really need to stay here and wait for my retrenchment so that I could add that money to my savings and buy the best that I saw in cyberzone.

The bell is ringing.. lunchtime... I'll try to update you guys later!

sickie again

2006-05-16T18:15:00.000+08:00

hay naku, may sakit na naman ako! Hindi na ako nawalan ng sakit dahil sa trabaho ko... wala pa naman na akong health card.. magsasara na nga diba? Har Har har!

swimming! yeah swimming kami nila Sam sa Saturday... sasama ko sis ko and baka yung nephew ko..excited na ako mag lublob sa tubig...hehehe.

sige saka na lang ulit... bukas na lang pag nasa mood na ako magtype... pumasok ako ngayon kasi sabi ng ate ko baka kaltasan ako sa exit pay ko sa dami ng sick leave ko... sayang din yun noh! Pero ayaw ko na mag work!

what is sleep?

2006-05-11T10:48:00.000+08:00

I do not know the word "sleep" anymore....

Teka, bangag na ako so babalaan ko na din kayo hindi ko na alam mga sinasabi ko dito. Basta gusto ko na umuwi at matulog... hindi pa ako umuuwi eh. First time nangyari sa akin ito....

bangag na

2006-05-11T00:29:00.000+08:00

grabeh! Ngayon lang nangyari sa akin ito.... basahin nyo nga iba kong blog these past few days... lahat bangag na.. lalo na yung kagabi... hindi ko maintindihan english ko kanina nung binabasa ko... bangag na talaga ako.

Ngayon dito pa rin me sa work 12:30 am na.... waaaaahhhhh! Yun na lang kaya kong sabihin. Hindi ko naman magawang pabayaan... haaay!

sige bukas na lang ako ulit blog... rather mamaya...

wondering

2006-05-09T23:57:00.000+08:00

I am wondering for hours now, hehehe... I was quite hesitant to write this thing here in my blog. Bakit? Malalaman nyo mamaya.... I was trying to relax at work this afternoon when I decided to scan my friends' list in my friendster... then I saw the page of my ex... hehehe... I was kinda "oh really? He's taking an aviation course?" Now, somebody knows what I am talking about and who is he.... hahaha! I had mixed emotions... happy for him and somewhat proud... really! I know he loves planes but never told me he wants to be part of the aviation world. Then suddenly something crossed my mind... that course he is taking up right now is almost the same course with what mumu wanted to pursue... when he was still here in Philippines, he took up Aeronautical engineering in a common school for aeronautical thingy here... then when they migrated in Canada he learned that it will cost him too much to continue his studies there, so he finally decided to take another course. I was thinking of... what would he feel if he learned that the person he is so jealous with (because he knows how much I loved that guy) is taking up a course which is almost the same with what he really wants to be.... I know he will get inggit... hahaha! Ano na ba pumapasok sa isip ko? Nyahaha! Naisip ko lang naman.... wag sana ako sabunutan ng isang tao dyan...har har har!

Then I'm still here at work... It's passed 12 am... then I have to report tomorrow at 9:00 am.

resign pero OT

2006-05-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

"Nag resign ka na me OT ka pa ha"

That's Jay-jay's reaction upon seeing me online at 10:00 pm (Manila time). He's at Virginia. Hmmmm... what can I do? I still have this responsibility until I turn over evrything to someone who will passed my own criteria.... har har har! While talking to Jay thru YM, I was talking with my bestfriend too over the phone (she's in Sydney). Janice and I were trying to catch up with each other, what's new with each of us.... She was telling me so many things particularly about her only son.. Lukee. While me, telling her about everything about me in the easiest way I could for I am also typing something in the computer to finish my deadline....hahaha! Can you do that?

A while ago, Janice called up and was telling me na muntik na daw sya magtampo for she thought I have totally forgotten her birthday... I didn't call or message her in her friendster...she even said to her husband... Daddy nakalimutan na ako ni Ira... nyahaha! I was laughing this afternoon... I told her I just ran out of load and I wasn't able to go online last Saturday. She said, she decided to call up instead.... har har har! HIndi ako matiis ng best ko eh.... kaya love ko yan!

It's almost 11:00 pm... I really need to go.... I have to report tomorrow as early as 9:00 am... Wish me luck for I am always late...

And ohhhh... before I forget... Thinzy might check my blog before leaving her mom's house... Thinzy, ayaw pa din magpa-comment ng wp mo.... hmp!

Byeeeeeee!

over time (kakatamad)

2006-05-06T10:46:00.000+08:00

Bakit ganun? Pag nag file ka na ng resignation, nakakatamad na mag work... especially with my case because whenever I am working the more my tummy aches. *sigh*

Right now I am at work, its saturday here, yesterday I filed a sick leave but I know I need to go to work today to check the pages my staff did while I am absent. Responsibilities..... *sigh* I used to be a very responsible person, I hate persons who doesn't want responsibility, but now, all I want is get out of these responsibilities.... hay!

Habit fetched me this morning at home, he's still handsome... hehehe. We were talking about me looking for a new home, a rent to own, somewhere in fairview... I told him that when I finally moved there with my kuya and sis, I can no longer take the cab for it will cost me too much... he said "Don't worry I'll fetch you"... I just smiled then he asked "What's the name of the place again? I said its Dahlia... he said "Dalas? Wag naman, eroplano na kailangan nun!" Then he was laughing.... and I was too... he's making me laugh again... I am missing those days.

Speaking of Habit... Dream, talked to me yesterday over the phone, I told him I filed a resignation, then he was like " Ahhhh... you better rest". I was teasing him... calling him Kuya and he was just silent... no reaction at all. Then mama called me to take my lunch, so he said goodbye....

Today, supposed to be we will be here till 4pm, but my layout artist needs to go to the hospital to take care of his uncle... we will leave at 12pm instead...

That's the summary of my yesterday and half of my day... need to work first!

with the mumu

2006-05-04T18:17:00.000+08:00

Last night I couldn't sleep because my tummy was aching, actually until now it's aching. It's almost dawn when my eyes finally shut. I saw myself in a building, it looks like glorietta, yet I am not sure. I was there to meet one of my friend, then surprisingly see her with someone who intends to surprise me. I was shock, I couldn't even step closer to them. Carlo, step to hug me tight and he told me his only dream came true, to hug me, talk to me and hold my face, I was in total silence. I look at his cousin, Yayie and she just smiled at me. He was wearing checkered light blue polo and I cannot remember the color of his pants. Then suddenly, one of his friends came and they laughed seeing they are wearing same polo, so, we left them to find something to replace his polo, but whenever we walk, we are like lost somewhere, so we will again go back to the place where we left his cousin and friends, we tried again to go to another wing only find boxes and go back again, while looking for the store, he told me that he really wanted to surprise me and he went home just to be with me. While walking, his left arm is on my shoulder trying to keep me in his side. And since, we always find nothing, we went back to the place and saw his friend changed his polo already, he said then there's no need for him to change his polo anymore, when we turn to his cousin Yayie, a girl came and gladly hug and kissed Carlo on his cheek, as if I am not there. Carlo was still holding my hand and told the girl that I am his girlfriend, that is why I and Yayie looked at him... I was thinking that I gave him up last year and here is he telling his friends that I am his gf? Then another friend of him spoke and said "of course we know her, lagi mo siyang bukambibig eh".

I was really in shock and I was really like "What the hell are they saying?"

Suddenly I woke up and found myself again in pain... tummy aches! Arrgggghhhh!

I haven't think of him these past few days.... suddenly I remember the up coming date.

filed

2006-05-03T17:47:00.000+08:00

I submitted my resignation last night before leaving work, I asked my friend to gave it to my boss since she was talking with somebody at that time in her office. A few minutes upon arriving home, she was calling my mobile and I didn't answer. She then sent a message, telling me that she received my resignation and she wants to talk to me first thing in the morning.

This morning, I reached work around 10 am, I was an hour late that's why I decided to file it half day. Hindi kasi ako nabilihan ni Kuya ng gamot ko kagabi kaya hindi ako makakain ng breakfast ng hindi ako umiinom ng gamot ko.

After an hour, my boss called me in her office and talked about my resignation, she was asking me to stay. I told her my health problem and she just asked me to take good care of my health. When the clock hits 12:00 noon, I told her I will took my lunch and left her office.

At least I told her I will think it over but I already filed it, meaning, if ever I wanted to leave, she can't do anything about that.

How I wish I can talk to Kuya Tugz right now, but I guess... few more days he will become visible na in YM. If not, I might call him up and tell him the news... and of course I want to hear his stories too about their new angel.... I just can't stop asking for pictures! hehehe!

It's 6:20pm now and I wanna go home, my tummy is aching for 8 hours now and I really want to relax at home... I did nothing at work today though it is my deadline, I just can't write and my tummy really hurts. Yesterday, I was in pain from 6am till almost midnight. *sigh*

Gotta go now!

losing my patience

2006-04-28T14:14:00.000+08:00

I REALLY HATE THEM! Sinusuka ko sila! Minsan gusto gumana ng pagiging bad ko... ipa-block ko kaya sya sa Pilipinas! Yesterday I was thinking of waiting till the company formally closed. I know I'll get much money than filing a resignation. But today, after one of his staff emailed me, I really want to file a resignation, turn over my files but will never train the one who will replace me. Let's see if they will not have a headache.

I am so pissed off and I want to get out of this company soon... I don't mind about my responsibilities, I don't mind my staff, all I want is to be ok. I am so sick and I feel like I am going to die without nothing if I wil stay here.

I'd rather take good care of my dogs... with them I can earn much more than here. Anyway, they are the on who's sending me to work... I mean from the money we earn from them.... So, if I am going to leave, all I have to think is to find a new job, or maybe go back to school.

I'll let updated you guys when I already filed my resignation.... irrevocable!

really sick

2006-04-27T16:19:00.000+08:00

ACUTE GASTRITIS.... according to doctor’s diagnosis. Right now, I'm not allowed to eat or drink any spicy food and anything with caffeine. My doctor asked me to drink my medicine or else it will be an ULCER soon. *sigh*

This is also related to stress and pressures that I am facing. I wonder when this company will properly shut so that I could get my money and live happily ever after... well, my CPA friend said, the company will pay me times my years of service... so, I will no longer resign as earlier planned.. I will just wait for that...hahaha!

Yesterday, the big boss scolded me for things beyond my control, he said it’s within my responsibility as the editor in chief, but my question was, Can I say NO to the Japanese who have higher position in the company? I can't of course. And that Japanese big boss didn't even accept my reasons... he said he got some questions then I answered everything... now, he told my boss that I've got an attitude problem.... duh?

After he scolded me because of those ads, I talked to my boss upon her arrival at the office and told her everything that happened. I told her I can do those things the big boss is demanding me, but I will also demand to triple my salary... I told her that my salary is so low for my designation and responsibilities and yet the big boss is asking me to do more, that's why I am demanding her to triple my salary. My boss asked me not to demand... she said she will fix it. But upon my assessment she can't.

I'll just finish my job here and wait for the company to properly shut, get my pay and leave... maybe they can find someone who can do better than what I am doing right now.... but I don't know if they can get someone who will embrace everything without getting the right salary.

Like what I've said to my colleagues... If they will not adjust my salary... I'd rather leave this company!

on leave

2006-04-12T14:53:00.000+08:00

I haven't blog lately... aside from I am really sick, I am also rushing for deadline. Today, I filed a vacation leave to start my holidays for the Lenten... yet I'm still online supervising my staffs. *sigh*

Symptoms of my illness are in line with gastritis, though Nikki (my co-worker) advised me to consult a doctor as soon as possible. She has the same problem with me. She told me stress is also related to what I am feeling right now... I guess she is correct. Coz whenever I am at work, acids from my tummy accumulates. *sigh* Wish I could find a better job... something I love to do too.

But sometimes, I keep on thinking to leave my job now than to be worst than what I have today. I don't want to have a cancer... never thought of that.

Hope I could convince mom and dad to go to somewhere... I want to relax... but of course they will tell me to shoulder everything... hehehe. Do I have to admit I still have a money? Bad kid! Har Har Har!

2nd day of my worsiest day... or with s-- days

2006-04-07T13:17:00.000+08:00

If only tugzy is infront of me a while ago... he clapped again his hands, surely. I am saying bad words again! I think she is power tripping... damn Japanese! I really hate her! I knew it from the very start that she will give me a headache.... This is the worst headache I've got from someone who is not even my boss! Imagine, circulation manager umeepal sa editorial! As if she can write stories if I told her to write... she can't even help in layouting the pages....

worsiest day ever

2006-04-05T17:43:00.000+08:00

This afternoon I almost go to my boss office and say "I'll give you one month to find someone to replace me".................Arrrrrrggggghhhhhhh! That bitchy (as what the artists here call her) Japanese made my worsiest day ever!

Last night I told her that we are having problems in exporting files into pdf because of software problems, she cannot understand us and she want us to finish it right away. I left the office last night at 8pm trying to catch Barbie Almalbis' album launching at Mugen Bar which is supposed to be 7pm. Good thing they started late that is why me and my staff were just on time. Then they gave us drink and food stub but the waiter said the sponsor gave instruction to the management to stop accomodating the stubs.... I callep up the publicist and told him the problem then interview proper started. Barbie was so far on my seat and I cannot hear her anymore, I decided to stand at the back of one of the

waaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told u this is worsiest! Tapos ko na ito eh....... waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cant write anymore...... I wanna go home! :(

is this a movie?

2006-04-03T13:45:00.000+08:00

Today is my freakin deadine at work, I should be writing my headline for the newspaper and not my blog. But I feel like needing to burst everything here so that I could go on with my work.

Last Saturday, Mike, a very good friend of mine and Dream asked me to met him up at the nearest coffee shop in my place. He told me, it's bugging him so much and he really needs to talk to me. When I reached the place, he was already there. He was smiling at me. Then, I asked him "O, what na? Sabi mo may importante kang sasabihin"... then he nodded.

He ordered my favorite chocolate frap without asking me anymore... "Alam ko naman ang gusto mo" he is like answering my questions on my mind.

Then he inhaled and exhaled... asked me how I am and my work, things that he always knew. Mike is one of my friends who is also "always busy" but finds time to ask, how I was and our other friends.

Then I was looking at him without thinking that my forehead wrinkled.... he inhaled again.

"Have you talked with 'Dream'?"

"Hindi pa... bakit?" I answered

"Nakausap ko sya almost two weeks ago, nag-inuman kami" I was like "ah huh"

Then he continued... "akala ko, ako ang na-mi-miss ng loko, ibang tao pala. Pero ang tanga-tanga naman!"

At this point, I feel like I want to stand up and leave Mike on that place. I can't understand him anymore and I feel like he is hurting me without his knowledge. I know he doesn't know what I feel for his friend.

Then he looked at me "Do you love him?" I was like "who?" Mike smiled at me. "Si 'Dream' mahal mo ba sya?"

Napakunot- noo ako sa kanya, I didn't answer his question. Then he said.

"Ikaw pinag-usapan namin nung nagkita kami. Sabi nya he is missing you so much and its causing him so much pain, kaya sabi ko, mahal mo ba sya pare?"

You wanna know guys kung ano sagot ni 'Dream' sa tanong ni Mike?

"Hindi ko alam, pare! But whenever I see her, it's like a promise of forever. Pero natatakot ako, feeling ko hindi pa ako handa, I feel like mauulit lang ulit yung nangyari sa amin ni Rhea. Atsaka, nag-eenjoy pa ako ngayon pare, yung ganito walang iniisip na girlfriend, ako lang at negosyo ko."

Then Mike, asked him kung iyon nga ba talaga ang dahilan. Then he told Mike that he is also afraid na baka kapag sinabi nya sa akin na mahal ko sya, sabihin ko sa kanya na may mahal akong iba, or kapag naging kami naman, baka pag gusto na nya ako pakasalan eh hindi ko naman kaya iwanan ang trabaho ko.

"Sabi nya, Ira kept on saying she want to quit her job, yet she's still there. She loves her job so much, I know that. kaya ko sya buhayin pare, pero kaya nya ba mabuhay sa klase ng buhay ko?" At that point Mike was looking at me straight to my eyes. Hindi ko sya kaya tingnan. Then ang nasabi ko na lang " Mas kilala nya pa ako, kesa sa sarili ko."

Marami pa sinabi sa akin si Mike... pero di ko na masyado maalala ang detalye, that day I was like... bakit ganun? Ang gulo-gulo!

Mike didn't let me leave without getting any reaction from me. Or should I say the reaction he was waiting.

Then I told him na bakit kailangan nya malaman ang sagot ko. He is not dream. Kung walang courage si Dream na sabihin sa akin ang lahat ng iyon, then it will remain as that. Na kung gusto nya ng sagot sa tanong nya, dapat ako ang tanungin ng diretso. I was pissed off of Dream. He reminded me of someone. Then I told Mike "Wala kang makukuhang sagot sa akin Mike." Tapos tumayo na ako, hindi ko na talaga kaya eh.. iiyak na ako.

Nung nakatalikod na ako kay Mike, sabi niya "Tinanong ko si 'Dream' kung ano ang balak nya, sabi nya he is doing everything para kalimutan ka (then I started to walk) pero hindi nya kaya (I stopped, turn to Mike and said "I should leave now").

Naglalakad ako pabalik sa bahay, ang bilis ng lakad ko, baka kasi nasa likod si Mike at makita nya na umiiyak ako. Tapos nag ring cellphone ko. Pagtingin ko si Mike. Sinagot ko. Yun pala nasa likod ko nga sya sakay ng kotse nya. Bigla ko pinunas ang luha ko. Pinasakay nya ako, sunod naman ako. Pinarada nya sa isang tabi. Saka sya humarap sa akin.

"Hindi ako nakipagkita syo para paiyakin ka. Alam ko na mahal nyo isa't isa. Wala lang gusto umamin ng diretso sa isa't isa." Pinutol ko salita ni Mike "Ano gusto mo gawin ko Mike? Ako ang magsalita? Kahit pa sigurado na ako ngayon na mahal ako ng kaibigan mo, hindi pa din ako magsasalita, hayaan mo sya. Marami pa syang kailangang intindihin sa sarili nya. At kailangan nya iyon malaman mag-isa. Ayaw ko makialam sa kanya."

"Tinanong ko sya na paano kung magising sya isang araw at ready na sya sabihin sa iyo ang lahat, pero may iba ka na. Sabi niya alam na daw nya mangyayari yun someday, alam na din nya gagawin nya."

"See? Mike, tinawagan mo ako kasi sabi mo may gusto ka sabihin... ito lang ba ang sasabihin mo sa akin? Matagal ko nang alam na mahal nya ako. Pero alam ko din na takot sya. I am not going to wait for him Mike. I'll go with the flow of my life, no more plans, no more reservations... if ever we cross again our path someday and we still have this feelings for each other, siguro dun na lang kami mag-iisip kung ano ang gagawin. Right now, all I want is to be fine."

Then I left Mike. I ran towards our street and walk as fast as I could.

Tell me if I am wrong... I just don't want to rush things... kung hindi pa panahon... hindi ko pipiliting mahinog ang bunga... I don't want to end up crying again in the end.

freaking week

2006-03-29T19:10:00.000+08:00

I want to freak out! Arrgggghhhhh!

trying to be cool

2006-03-23T16:31:00.000+08:00

I haven't blog lately, there's so much things to write here but I don't have the strength to do it. This morning I decided to pack my things... tomorrow, I am leaving the office. Quite hard though I know I have to do it.. I can't do anything with it... unless I will leave my work... but whenever I see my boss... geeeezzzz, I just can't do it. There are times that she makes me freak out, though at times like this, I can't leave her. Haaaaay!

I'll stop writing na....hmp!

unproductive day

2006-03-17T17:47:00.000+08:00

This is so unproductive day... I did nothing at work, though I've got a lot to do. I can't write... not in the mood. *sigh* Nothing special for this day... though at lunch time I was so hungry... I didn't eat on time... I took my lunch at 3pm... Albert let me wait for almost an hour before telling me he cant take lunch with me, so I decided no to eat for I don't have time anymore.

Plus.. my shoulders are really aching... then I asked kuya to fetch me for I have to bring home a box full of soaps, lotions, beauty products and shirts... courtesy of........ hehehe.

that's all I guess...

ohhh... I need to take home my work too... I've got so many stories to write. *sigh*

HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYONE!

teary day

2006-03-15T10:18:00.000+08:00

DUNNO if I'm going to curse this day. Everybody here at work is crying... I am teary eyed, I don't want to burst out, I am holding up my tears. I should be strong or I will not finish anything today. Honestly, ngayon pa lang ayaw ko na magtrabaho, but my deadline is coming so fast. Yesterday, when I talked with my boss, I was teary eyed... did my very best not to let my tears fall down. This morning when we had a meeting, she told them almost everything she told me... except for the person who's to blame. She said, she doesn't want to blame anyone anymore, of course that person have friends within the editorial department. The company is closing down. But still, our boss did her very best not to let the employees lose their job, particularly with the editorial; MMPI, one of the biggest publication companies in the country, will absorb the three magazines. I, as the editor in chief of the newspaper will be moved to the other company reporting directly to my boss and to Japan. Since Monday, everyone here at work is telling me that, I am the only one who's future in this work is still good, that I need not to worry because I will never lose this job... well, maybe they are right- I agree with them too. But I really don't care if I'm going to lose this job, I can always find a better one... God never left my side, that's why I am so thankful to Him. I know, He has a positive reason in everything that is happening. Maybe God, did everything for me to get this position, for there will come a time that this thing will happen. As what I have said months ago, I don't want to plan ahead anymore... I'm just going with the flow and holding on to God's plan, by doing that, I will never miss the right way. I know it's not the end of the world... challenges in our lives comes.. but God always walk with us and help us fight for better days coming in our lives.

I am sad... because I'm going to miss them.

This photo was taken last October 22, 2005 at The Garden of SM North EDSA. 5th Anniversary of GPEC

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4:25pm

I saw something at Friendster's Bulletin Board... I remember Carlo, then something echoed in my mind... "I've seen it in my dreams baby, your company will close and I saw you will be here with me". Carlo has the power to see things that will happen in the future, he told me that thing almost a year ago... May of 2005 to be exact. It did happen... we will be closing... but it doesn't mean I will lose my job. And I don't have any reason to be with him. So, I guess the first presentiment is true... and the second is just a dream.

adik!

2006-03-14T18:48:00.000+08:00

Im getting loko with html.... argggggghhhh! my head is aching. Im done and all I need is to contact my webhost. I'm going to pay for it. Im so so excited to upload it but I have to finnish first my deadline.

Im so tired. I surpervised three examinees the whole day... good thing I found the right one for my newspaper, I just hope we will get along. I really want to write here every detail of my day particularly with the examinees but I am really tired. All I can say is that-- hindi dahil guwapo, may laman ang utak... hmp!

Gotta go... it's almost 7pm.

its monday!

2006-03-13T10:24:00.000+08:00

TODAY is Monday the 13th. I thought I'm going to have again my Monday sickness... tamad bumangon at gusto matulog buong maghapon. hehehe. I slept this morning around 2 am... pinuyat kasi ako ng Starstruck... di naman nanalo bet ko! Kung andun ako, sisigaw ako ng LUTO!!!!!!!!!!!! Kahit nasa Press area pa ako...unfair talaga! Hmp! Because I was so tired yesterday and I watched StarStruck, I woke up around 8am this morning, and I was saying " Kuya, 8 am na!". Imagine, 9 am ang pasok ko at kakagising ko lang...I tried my very best to leave my bed for I remember that I have an examinee at 10 am then we might have a meeting at 9 am... *rush rush rush*. Of course... I took the cab... and am 12minutes late! Har har har!

---

Since I wasn't able to blog last Saturday and Sunday.. am gonna write them down here:

Saturday, March 11th

Since I've got no work, I woke up a bit late... 9:30am, then I remember that I have a 10am appointment with my Dentist... actually she is not really my Dentist, she's my kuya's friend. I took my breakfast, brushed my teeth, washed my face and changed my clothes... I decided to take a bath after my Dental appointment. I was quite worried coz we will be late, good thing she texted kuya that she will be late. We reached the clinic few minutes earlier than her. When she checked my teeth, she was amazed with a comment "Wow! Ganda ng mga ipin mo! Alaga, o".. I thought she was only kidding for I haven't visited my Dentist in province for 6 years I guess... I wasn't able to go back to her to check one of my aching tooth which is due for pasta. And that's also the reason why I asked kuya to bring me to his friend. Then, the Dentist commented "wala naman akong makitang sira sa inaangal mo". So I asked her if I need an OB or cleaning.. and she said "puwede, but not really, ok naman ang linis ng mga ipin mo eh", so I reacted that eversince I never had a cleaning and whenever I an asking for that, my dentist then will say "hindi mo kailangan ng cleaning". My dentist when I was in college and my new dentist have the same views about my teeth. They just can't believe that my white pasta's color are all good. Thank God, I had the best dentist when I was in highschool.. uhmmm maybe she also cleans my teeth, though I don't know. The new Dentist, had a hard time with my tooth, she tried to find something in my tooth. He he he.

Later at night, I heard Dad and Mom talking if they will get me a pc unit... yehey! I told myself. I really want to have my own, that's why I want to buy a laptop...hehehe.

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Sunday, March 12th

8:30am, I still feel sleepy but I have to get up to cook our breakfast, then I did my laundry.. it took me half of the day to finnish for I wasn't able to washed the laundry last week because I was sick. Then mom told me that she will be bringing home a pc unit but she doesn't know where to put it.. so I said, "maluwag sa kuwarto ko" with a huge smile.. hehehe... then mom said, "siguraduhin mo lang na ang paggamit eh nasa ayos hindi yung aksayado sa kuryente"... then I smiled at her.... weeeeee! I can't wait for my pc! Sana hindi ma- jinx! Kailangan sobrang bait ako ngayon sa house.... har har har!

Later at night, I iron our clothes, Dad, Mom, mine and my little cuz's uniforms.... sakit na ng katawan ko pero all smile pa din... siyempre magkakaroon ako ng pc.... bwahahaha! Then pinuyat ako ng Starstruck... hmp!

Yun lang po weekend ko!

my habit, my love life and my dream

2006-03-10T10:22:00.000+08:00

Clauds was asking who si HABIT.... and Thinz is also asking who is DREAM hehehe

Sino nga ba si HABIT sa buhay ko?

I met HABIT when I was 7 years old... that's 18 years ago. He is not my bestfriend, for I don't tell him anything about my life... but since his family is close with mine... he knows almost everything except my own world. Since the day I met him, he never left my side. He's always there whenever I need him. In our parents view... we are playmates. When I am about to turn 9... mom decided to go home to province and help my lola and auntie to manage our family business. I can only see him during summer vacation when I am here in Manila. We grew up separate with each other. Then, college came so fast... without my knowledge, he was really waiting for that time to come. He knew I will took my college here in Manila. Ganun pa rin sya, laging andyan whenever I need him. He got a girlfriend at that time, and I really hate that girl! For there are times that he needs to fetch me and he can't come because the girl won't allow him... well, thanks to Kuya... he's just a phone call away. Anong gagawin ko? NONE. I am not his girlfriend, kaya wala akong karapatang umangal. Few more months and we became more close with each other... he's like my boyfriend but not really. He told me he wanted to be with me and leave that annoying girl. He became my bf-- illegally! Hindi alam sa bahay at ng mga kaibigan ko... except for Jack... From then on, my life became miserable. I learned that he is still with that girl and I said goodbye to him for how many times. Then my kuya died... He was there when I am in pain... helped me whenever he could without me asking anything from him.. he just give me whatever he think is right for me. Sunod lang ako ng sunod sa kanya. But the sad part of that, anjan pa rin yung girl. He broke up with her for so many times but I do not know why he can't do anything whenever the girl begs him to go back to her life... I got tired pushing him away from me for he keeps on coming back without asking anything in return....years passed and I finished college. I made a firm decision that I will take him out of my life. I accepted suitors... when he learned about that... he said goodbye to that girl-- for good! But since I was in pain for four years with him... it never brought back my feelings for him. Few months after my graduation... I got a new boyfriend, but still he stayed at my side... trying to fix things between us. After three months... I said goodbye to my bf.... I learned that he is not worth my time... HABIT was so happy knowing that, he thought I will go back to him. But I didn't... though he's still at my side. Two years have passed. Then, I got tired of him... I asked God to send me a sign that if someone out there is really meant for me and not HABIT, someone will cross my path before my birthday... Renier came along. HABIT knew about him because I let my family know about Renier, HABIT gave up. Forgetting about the sign I asked to God, I have fallen in love with Renier-- my dearest angel. In just a short time things between Renier and I became complicated.. he left without any warning... I felt pain once again.. and HABIT rushed to my side. He tried his very best to help me forget Renier and it didn't come through. Looking for answers about what happened between me and my angel, I met a nice friend named Dennis...he calls me alugbati and I called him tsokolateng makulit, he always makes me smile, cheer me up whenever I am down. Made me see things I wasnt able to see, in his own little ways. Carlo came and made me realize all the mistakes I have done. We became best of friends, when things between us seems quite different I tried to avoid him... but he begged to me. When HABIT learned about him, he almost freaked out. He got afraid and starts to monitor me... what am I doing, sino kausap ko... sino new friends ko. A few more weeks and Carlo is still the same... I told him that its not good and I don't want to fall for him. Well... he doesn't want too. Until such time that we are already arguing about that matter... then DREAM helped me out.DREAM is just an ordinary looking guy... guwapo pa malayo si Carlo at HABIT, lamang pa ng konti si Renier... I think... hehehe. But DREAM is every girl wants to have- Responsible, Sweet, Thoughtful, Stable and most of all AVAILABLE. I lost communication with Carlo due to some reasons and he got paranoid, he thought I found someone and freaked out. He got afraid of losing me that's why he asked me if I want him to be my bf... at first I was hesitant... but I just decided to say I DO for I asked God about it. HABIT was really hurt... then he told me... "Ayaw na kitang masaktan ulit, nung makita kitang umiiyak dahil kay Renier, hindi ko kinaya... tapos si Carlo naman ngayon." Those words didn't bother me. DREAM told me also how hard it is... I didn't listen. Although I know, I still need to know how much he loves, and HABIT and DREAM is right... he didn't surpassed the trial.... HABIT was happy but a little afraid still. He knew it doesnt mean that I am going back with him. DREAM.. was silent... he didn't speak at all about that matter... he just said that it is very hard. DREAM let me move on... by myself but he's by my side. HABIT is doing everything to win me back. It's like... he wants me to feel that with him, I don't have to worry about security, that with him everything is ok. Later I learned some of the reasons why he never had the guts to tell our families about us, it's because of me. Dad (my uncle), asked him before if I have a boyfriend and I am not allowed to have one until I finish my course. That, that annoying girl threatened him that she will commit suicide, that she will let her family know that something happened between them already and that she knows about us. He is afraid of losing me. That when I finished college, he got all the strength that he needs.... and so on. Now, I understand how hard it is for HABIT to see me crying... though I cried with him for so many times before.

I learned those things last year, yet... I still want to be with DREAM. Maybe because until now, whenever I am with HABIT, I still feel like something is missing... unlike when I am with DREAM, I feel safe and nothing to worry at all.

Funny me

2006-03-09T14:11:00.000+08:00

I was browsing somebody's friendster when I saw my ex pics...I remember that event... somebody's debut... 2 days before he killed me. Geeeeezzzzz! Those shots aren't really for him.. but he is there... I found myself saving the photos to his folder.... my face feels so hot and tears might rundown my cheeks any moment... *sigh* I told myself I shouldn't I am supervising an applicant and I should not cry.... then, I saw another pic... I have a copy of the same place where they took that shot though the difference is... my ex was looking on the camera... and on that photo... he was buttoning his polo... his pink polo... I remember...when I told him that I like guys wearing pink polo, he bought one and took a photo of that... at that time we are just plain best of friends. I was smiling.... till now, few more days... and he will be celebrating his birthday. Don't you think I am crazy... at first I want to cry then I am smiling.... funny! I guess... its all about memories... cherished and kept inside my heart.

torn

2006-03-08T14:14:00.000+08:00

AFTER watching Close to you last night, I discovered something within me... I am torn. I am torn between a dream and a habit... should I need to make a decision soon? I don't know. At the movie... Marianne, chose her habit... Do I have to do the same?

The guy I am missing for almost a month now... is my dream... the first time I met him he already touched my heart, but I didn't bother what's inside me because I had a problem then with my bestfriend, then he came and helped me... My bestfriend became my bf, but my dream stayed at my side, guiding me and loving me with his own ways. When I lost my bf and my bestfriend.. he was there, when I decided to move on, he was with me... sometimes I can't understand him... for he utter jokes that makes me think... if that is just a joke or he really meant it. Well... in my entire life, he was the only guy who told me that he wants to be the father of my child.. (hey I'm not pregnant... we are just talking about something). That was the last talk that we had.... and that was a month ago... lately I feel like he is avoiding me... for reasons that I do not know. There are so many maybe's and but's in my mind right now...

And because, I am so depressed with what is happening this past few weeks between us... my habit, the guy who's always around me, is filling in all those emptiness... though most of the time... I am always thinking of my dream. I don't know till when I can wait... for I thought something will happen this coming summer, and since everything is going nowhere... I want to give up. Choose habit and try to be happy with him... If ever dream comes back and tell me that he loves me... had proven me.... then that will be the time that I will choose...

......... but still, I'M TORN!

Life isn't all about YOU at all

2006-03-02T16:57:00.000+08:00

I dunno what to write here. For few days those words keeps on popping up on my head... I really dunno why.. I haven't consulted my heart and my mind for lately I was trying to catch up on things in my life and at work. I've got so many things to do right now... But I do not know where to start... and I do not know what would be the ending of this... only God... only Him.

I guess I'm also sick and tired waiting for someone... Maybe I should learn to embrace someone beside me... and try to be happy.

I am missing someone... but is he missing me too?

state of national emergency

2006-02-24T17:16:00.000+08:00

GMA declared this morning the whole Philippines under state of emergency... rallies are everywhere... and I am at work... my family is so worried about me... Im just few blocks away from one of the place where there's a harsh dispersal going on...

Honestly Im not afraid... I know I will be fine... but they are really afraid for protesters are becoming unruly where rocks are flying, police officers kept on hurting them....

Gotta be home.......

----

My head is aching..... I've been so busy these past few days... doing something important...
I am missing someone too... hope everything is ok.

sleepy

2006-02-16T17:55:00.000+08:00

Im so sleepy the whole day. Wish I can go home and sleep. I've got lots of things to do and I was able to finish one page.... hmp! Anyhow... I'll be home soon... wish I could sleep early too....

diet diet diet!

2006-02-15T16:01:00.000+08:00

NOW I know I should not eat anymore... (exaggerating). I woke up early this morning hoping not to put any redmark on my time card for I know I will be receiving a warning from the HRD any moment due to my consecutive lates for the past weeks. I took my breakfast, took a bath then when Im already wearing my jeans, I felt like Im going to throw up for holding my stomach just not to let my 'bilbil' show up.... then after few minutes I thought I am going to faint. So, I decided to change my pants and wear my dress pants, but the problem is, all my longsleeves are wrinkled and my wash and wear blouses are all fitted on my body. I changed again and get my black slacks.. but my tee's won't fit it... arrrggghhhh! At this time I was crying, hating myself for letting this thing happen... I looked at the wall clock and it's almost nine in the morning, I took my faded jeans that I wore yesterday and my plain white shirt in my cabinet, put on my black leather belt and my black leather shoes and ran! As a result of this... I reached the ofiice at 9:11am.... late again!

4:15 pm

I went to Robinson's Galleria at 3pm to meet Thinzy's Kuya Al and Ate Susan.... atleast I already gave the stuffs for Thinzy.... a little hi and hello then we parted ways.... I rushed to go back at work. Mission Accomplished? Not yet.... I hope she will like it!

hearts day date

2006-02-15T10:03:00.000+08:00

SAMANTHA called up Albert yesterday and asked if we could watch "I will always love you".... I said yes for I am missing her too... good thing Albert was late so Sam and I have some time to chat about some things happening to me lately- at work and my previous love life. Sam was sick but enjoyed the movie- she really loves Richard Gutierrez... he he he! To sum it all up we had a nice time being together and I'm missing her now...

I thought I'm okey

2006-02-13T13:05:00.000+08:00

THIRTY minutes ago when I got here at work, I punched my time card and opened my pc. This morning I woke up so late and decided to file a half day at work. I made up my mind this morning to leave my yesterday behind and face everything on a day to day basis.. meaning, I will leave my past and just go with the flow of my life starting from today. When my yahoo messenger signed in all alert popped up and it says I've got emails and voice messages. I noticed that voice message only today for whenever I am opening my pc I am not paying attention to it for I am doing something else. I opened my voice messenger and I've got two messages. One from Carlo and another one from Yahoo. both dated September 13, 2005; 11:25 pm. Here's the transcipt of the message:

"Hi baby! It's me, uhmmm I'm trying this one if this will gonna work, but it said record... so, I don't know what to say too..hm hm hm (he's quite laughing, i do not know how to put it in words). You just take care always, ok? You know I'm just always here whenever you need me. I'll try to email you whenever I can. Be online whenever I can. But mostly, I can't coz most of the shift that I am getting is 'till close coz I'm a closing manager. Just smile always, ok By? Take care of yourself, I'm just here. Talk to you later, bye!"

I found myself teary eyed and there's something in my chest that won't let me breath. Why am I feeling this thing in my heart? I thought I am now okey... I thought I'm through with this. I am trying to hold my tears for my co workers will see it and I know they will ask me. I can't stop myself playing the message for how many times... it's killing me though. The date was almost two months when he decided to stop our relationship as bf-gf and go back as being bestfriends... we are having troubles at that time because of his illness. I hate myslef today, I hate myself for I can't stop this pain in my heart. All I want is to be fine. I even had a dream of him last night that he's telling me that he and his new gf are doing fine... that everything seemed right... that's why when I woke up late this morning I promised I will forget everything and move on with my life. I really hate myself... I don't know what to do again.

***
6:50 pm

I'm about to go home... though im not really ok... plus I took my lunch at 3pm at mcdonalds and the attending cashier named CARLO... waaaaaahhhhh! I hate him... I'm starting to hate him!

wala lang

2006-02-09T18:15:00.000+08:00

ok lang ako buong araw... nagpaka-busy sa harap ng pc... nasa work kahit walang trabaho
yun lang pow

Updating..

2006-02-08T10:49:00.000+08:00

I'm currently updating my website... and I'm writing on my blog too! ha ha ha! I hope I can do this everyday. I'll keep you posted the whole day....I'm missing him so much!

i hate this situation

2006-02-07T17:26:00.000+08:00

I'm currently at work... just finished my deadline and waiting for the artist to convert the files to pdf before sending those to Japan. I'm at work and so busy but my mind flies across the dreamers world... I am thinking of him again. I hate my situation because I do not know if I will let this feeling grow. I've know him for a year now... he was there when I was in this situation too with my bestfriend, he was the one who taught me what to do in order to know where am I at my bestfriends's life, a reason why I and my bestfriend had those months, he's always there whenever we have some problems, especially when everything was.... I don't want to remember those days anymore... all I know is... this guy never left my side. Although there are moments when I cannot understand him anymore, like his way of lambing, those seems not for a friend but I am trying to ignore it. I am afraid that I being on a rebound might just hurt him in the end... and lose him too like what happened to me and my bestfriend... I just can't afford to lose him. When he was so busy with his work last year, I tried to forget him. But I was in vain... for until now, this strange feeling is still here. Whenever he's around me, I feel so lucky yet I am still mixed up with my emotions... I do not know if I really love him. Last week I tried to ignore him, thinking it may help me, but, I noticed I was hurting myself too when he asked someone why I am avoiding him, that as if he is not existing in my life. I cried that night.... and say sorry afterwards. *sigh*

Hope I know what to do....

Mid January

2006-01-16T17:16:00.000+08:00

Clock is ticking so fast... last night it was still 2005... now its mid January 2006... fast fast fast.... though, why is it there's something inside of me that won't just disappear.... I just hope I know. ouch ouch ouch... Im better.. soon to be really better... geez!

What a????? What am I saying here... dunno too.. just talking with myself maybe..har har har!

Im so burnt

2006-01-12T11:22:00.000+08:00

Im writing something here than to sob at work... I feel so burnt! I know I can.... somebody told me before I can do everything I want.... but lately I don't want these things already... I want to give up! But thinking I'm going to leave a BIG responsibility... I just can't imagine doing that.

Do I have to leave and let them shoulder everything?