i hate this situation

I'm currently at work... just finished my deadline and waiting for the artist to convert the files to pdf before sending those to Japan. I'm at work and so busy but my mind flies across the dreamers world... I am thinking of him again. I hate my situation because I do not know if I will let this feeling grow. I've know him for a year now... he was there when I was in this situation too with my bestfriend, he was the one who taught me what to do in order to know where am I at my bestfriends's life, a reason why I and my bestfriend had those months, he's always there whenever we have some problems, especially when everything was.... I don't want to remember those days anymore... all I know is... this guy never left my side. Although there are moments when I cannot understand him anymore, like his way of lambing, those seems not for a friend but I am trying to ignore it. I am afraid that I being on a rebound might just hurt him in the end... and lose him too like what happened to me and my bestfriend... I just can't afford to lose him. When he was so busy with his work last year, I tried to forget him. But I was in vain... for until now, this strange feeling is still here. Whenever he's around me, I feel so lucky yet I am still mixed up with my emotions... I do not know if I really love him. Last week I tried to ignore him, thinking it may help me, but, I noticed I was hurting myself too when he asked someone why I am avoiding him, that as if he is not existing in my life. I cried that night.... and say sorry afterwards. *sigh*

Hope I know what to do....