I thought I'm okey

THIRTY minutes ago when I got here at work, I punched my time card and opened my pc. This morning I woke up so late and decided to file a half day at work. I made up my mind this morning to leave my yesterday behind and face everything on a day to day basis.. meaning, I will leave my past and just go with the flow of my life starting from today. When my yahoo messenger signed in all alert popped up and it says I've got emails and voice messages. I noticed that voice message only today for whenever I am opening my pc I am not paying attention to it for I am doing something else. I opened my voice messenger and I've got two messages. One from Carlo and another one from Yahoo. both dated September 13, 2005; 11:25 pm. Here's the transcipt of the message:

"Hi baby! It's me, uhmmm I'm trying this one if this will gonna work, but it said record... so, I don't know what to say too..hm hm hm (he's quite laughing, i do not know how to put it in words). You just take care always, ok? You know I'm just always here whenever you need me. I'll try to email you whenever I can. Be online whenever I can. But mostly, I can't coz most of the shift that I am getting is 'till close coz I'm a closing manager. Just smile always, ok By? Take care of yourself, I'm just here. Talk to you later, bye!"

I found myself teary eyed and there's something in my chest that won't let me breath. Why am I feeling this thing in my heart? I thought I am now okey... I thought I'm through with this. I am trying to hold my tears for my co workers will see it and I know they will ask me. I can't stop myself playing the message for how many times... it's killing me though. The date was almost two months when he decided to stop our relationship as bf-gf and go back as being bestfriends... we are having troubles at that time because of his illness. I hate myslef today, I hate myself for I can't stop this pain in my heart. All I want is to be fine. I even had a dream of him last night that he's telling me that he and his new gf are doing fine... that everything seemed right... that's why when I woke up late this morning I promised I will forget everything and move on with my life. I really hate myself... I don't know what to do again.


***
6:50 pm

I'm about to go home... though im not really ok... plus I took my lunch at 3pm at mcdonalds and the attending cashier named CARLO... waaaaaahhhhh! I hate him... I'm starting to hate him!