losing my patience

I REALLY HATE THEM! Sinusuka ko sila! Minsan gusto gumana ng pagiging bad ko... ipa-block ko kaya sya sa Pilipinas! Yesterday I was thinking of waiting till the company formally closed. I know I'll get much money than filing a resignation. But today, after one of his staff emailed me, I really want to file a resignation, turn over my files but will never train the one who will replace me. Let's see if they will not have a headache.

I am so pissed off and I want to get out of this company soon... I don't mind about my responsibilities, I don't mind my staff, all I want is to be ok. I am so sick and I feel like I am going to die without nothing if I wil stay here.

I'd rather take good care of my dogs... with them I can earn much more than here. Anyway, they are the on who's sending me to work... I mean from the money we earn from them.... So, if I am going to leave, all I have to think is to find a new job, or maybe go back to school.

I'll let updated you guys when I already filed my resignation.... irrevocable!

really sick

ACUTE GASTRITIS.... according to doctor’s diagnosis. Right now, I'm not allowed to eat or drink any spicy food and anything with caffeine. My doctor asked me to drink my medicine or else it will be an ULCER soon. *sigh*

This is also related to stress and pressures that I am facing. I wonder when this company will properly shut so that I could get my money and live happily ever after... well, my CPA friend said, the company will pay me times my years of service... so, I will no longer resign as earlier planned.. I will just wait for that...hahaha!

Yesterday, the big boss scolded me for things beyond my control, he said it’s within my responsibility as the editor in chief, but my question was, Can I say NO to the Japanese who have higher position in the company? I can't of course. And that Japanese big boss didn't even accept my reasons... he said he got some questions then I answered everything... now, he told my boss that I've got an attitude problem.... duh?

After he scolded me because of those ads, I talked to my boss upon her arrival at the office and told her everything that happened. I told her I can do those things the big boss is demanding me, but I will also demand to triple my salary... I told her that my salary is so low for my designation and responsibilities and yet the big boss is asking me to do more, that's why I am demanding her to triple my salary. My boss asked me not to demand... she said she will fix it. But upon my assessment she can't.

I'll just finish my job here and wait for the company to properly shut, get my pay and leave... maybe they can find someone who can do better than what I am doing right now.... but I don't know if they can get someone who will embrace everything without getting the right salary.

Like what I've said to my colleagues... If they will not adjust my salary... I'd rather leave this company!

on leave

I haven't blog lately... aside from I am really sick, I am also rushing for deadline. Today, I filed a vacation leave to start my holidays for the Lenten... yet I'm still online supervising my staffs. *sigh*

Symptoms of my illness are in line with gastritis, though Nikki (my co-worker) advised me to consult a doctor as soon as possible. She has the same problem with me. She told me stress is also related to what I am feeling right now... I guess she is correct. Coz whenever I am at work, acids from my tummy accumulates. *sigh* Wish I could find a better job... something I love to do too.

But sometimes, I keep on thinking to leave my job now than to be worst than what I have today. I don't want to have a cancer... never thought of that.

Hope I could convince mom and dad to go to somewhere... I want to relax... but of course they will tell me to shoulder everything... hehehe. Do I have to admit I still have a money? Bad kid! Har Har Har!

2nd day of my worsiest day... or with s-- days

If only tugzy is infront of me a while ago... he clapped again his hands, surely. I am saying bad words again! I think she is power tripping... damn Japanese! I really hate her! I knew it from the very start that she will give me a headache.... This is the worst headache I've got from someone who is not even my boss! Imagine, circulation manager umeepal sa editorial! As if she can write stories if I told her to write... she can't even help in layouting the pages....

worsiest day ever

This afternoon I almost go to my boss office and say "I'll give you one month to find someone to replace me".................Arrrrrrggggghhhhhhh! That bitchy (as what the artists here call her) Japanese made my worsiest day ever!

Last night I told her that we are having problems in exporting files into pdf because of software problems, she cannot understand us and she want us to finish it right away. I left the office last night at 8pm trying to catch Barbie Almalbis' album launching at Mugen Bar which is supposed to be 7pm. Good thing they started late that is why me and my staff were just on time. Then they gave us drink and food stub but the waiter said the sponsor gave instruction to the management to stop accomodating the stubs.... I callep up the publicist and told him the problem then interview proper started. Barbie was so far on my seat and I cannot hear her anymore, I decided to stand at the back of one of the


waaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told u this is worsiest! Tapos ko na ito eh....... waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I cant write anymore...... I wanna go home! :(

is this a movie?

Today is my freakin deadine at work, I should be writing my headline for the newspaper and not my blog. But I feel like needing to burst everything here so that I could go on with my work.

Last Saturday, Mike, a very good friend of mine and Dream asked me to met him up at the nearest coffee shop in my place. He told me, it's bugging him so much and he really needs to talk to me. When I reached the place, he was already there. He was smiling at me. Then, I asked him "O, what na? Sabi mo may importante kang sasabihin"... then he nodded.

He ordered my favorite chocolate frap without asking me anymore... "Alam ko naman ang gusto mo" he is like answering my questions on my mind.

Then he inhaled and exhaled... asked me how I am and my work, things that he always knew. Mike is one of my friends who is also "always busy" but finds time to ask, how I was and our other friends.

Then I was looking at him without thinking that my forehead wrinkled.... he inhaled again.

"Have you talked with 'Dream'?"

"Hindi pa... bakit?" I answered

"Nakausap ko sya almost two weeks ago, nag-inuman kami" I was like "ah huh"

Then he continued... "akala ko, ako ang na-mi-miss ng loko, ibang tao pala. Pero ang tanga-tanga naman!"

At this point, I feel like I want to stand up and leave Mike on that place. I can't understand him anymore and I feel like he is hurting me without his knowledge. I know he doesn't know what I feel for his friend.

Then he looked at me "Do you love him?" I was like "who?" Mike smiled at me. "Si 'Dream' mahal mo ba sya?"

Napakunot- noo ako sa kanya, I didn't answer his question. Then he said.

"Ikaw pinag-usapan namin nung nagkita kami. Sabi nya he is missing you so much and its causing him so much pain, kaya sabi ko, mahal mo ba sya pare?"

You wanna know guys kung ano sagot ni 'Dream' sa tanong ni Mike?

"Hindi ko alam, pare! But whenever I see her, it's like a promise of forever. Pero natatakot ako, feeling ko hindi pa ako handa, I feel like mauulit lang ulit yung nangyari sa amin ni Rhea. Atsaka, nag-eenjoy pa ako ngayon pare, yung ganito walang iniisip na girlfriend, ako lang at negosyo ko."

Then Mike, asked him kung iyon nga ba talaga ang dahilan. Then he told Mike that he is also afraid na baka kapag sinabi nya sa akin na mahal ko sya, sabihin ko sa kanya na may mahal akong iba, or kapag naging kami naman, baka pag gusto na nya ako pakasalan eh hindi ko naman kaya iwanan ang trabaho ko.

"Sabi nya, Ira kept on saying she want to quit her job, yet she's still there. She loves her job so much, I know that. kaya ko sya buhayin pare, pero kaya nya ba mabuhay sa klase ng buhay ko?" At that point Mike was looking at me straight to my eyes. Hindi ko sya kaya tingnan. Then ang nasabi ko na lang " Mas kilala nya pa ako, kesa sa sarili ko."

Marami pa sinabi sa akin si Mike... pero di ko na masyado maalala ang detalye, that day I was like... bakit ganun? Ang gulo-gulo!

Mike didn't let me leave without getting any reaction from me. Or should I say the reaction he was waiting.

Then I told him na bakit kailangan nya malaman ang sagot ko. He is not dream. Kung walang courage si Dream na sabihin sa akin ang lahat ng iyon, then it will remain as that. Na kung gusto nya ng sagot sa tanong nya, dapat ako ang tanungin ng diretso. I was pissed off of Dream. He reminded me of someone. Then I told Mike "Wala kang makukuhang sagot sa akin Mike." Tapos tumayo na ako, hindi ko na talaga kaya eh.. iiyak na ako.

Nung nakatalikod na ako kay Mike, sabi niya "Tinanong ko si 'Dream' kung ano ang balak nya, sabi nya he is doing everything para kalimutan ka (then I started to walk) pero hindi nya kaya (I stopped, turn to Mike and said "I should leave now").

Naglalakad ako pabalik sa bahay, ang bilis ng lakad ko, baka kasi nasa likod si Mike at makita nya na umiiyak ako. Tapos nag ring cellphone ko. Pagtingin ko si Mike. Sinagot ko. Yun pala nasa likod ko nga sya sakay ng kotse nya. Bigla ko pinunas ang luha ko. Pinasakay nya ako, sunod naman ako. Pinarada nya sa isang tabi. Saka sya humarap sa akin.

"Hindi ako nakipagkita syo para paiyakin ka. Alam ko na mahal nyo isa't isa. Wala lang gusto umamin ng diretso sa isa't isa." Pinutol ko salita ni Mike "Ano gusto mo gawin ko Mike? Ako ang magsalita? Kahit pa sigurado na ako ngayon na mahal ako ng kaibigan mo, hindi pa din ako magsasalita, hayaan mo sya. Marami pa syang kailangang intindihin sa sarili nya. At kailangan nya iyon malaman mag-isa. Ayaw ko makialam sa kanya."

"Tinanong ko sya na paano kung magising sya isang araw at ready na sya sabihin sa iyo ang lahat, pero may iba ka na. Sabi niya alam na daw nya mangyayari yun someday, alam na din nya gagawin nya."

"See? Mike, tinawagan mo ako kasi sabi mo may gusto ka sabihin... ito lang ba ang sasabihin mo sa akin? Matagal ko nang alam na mahal nya ako. Pero alam ko din na takot sya. I am not going to wait for him Mike. I'll go with the flow of my life, no more plans, no more reservations... if ever we cross again our path someday and we still have this feelings for each other, siguro dun na lang kami mag-iisip kung ano ang gagawin. Right now, all I want is to be fine."

Then I left Mike. I ran towards our street and walk as fast as I could.

Tell me if I am wrong... I just don't want to rush things... kung hindi pa panahon... hindi ko pipiliting mahinog ang bunga... I don't want to end up crying again in the end.