torn

AFTER watching Close to you last night, I discovered something within me... I am torn. I am torn between a dream and a habit... should I need to make a decision soon? I don't know. At the movie... Marianne, chose her habit... Do I have to do the same?

The guy I am missing for almost a month now... is my dream... the first time I met him he already touched my heart, but I didn't bother what's inside me because I had a problem then with my bestfriend, then he came and helped me... My bestfriend became my bf, but my dream stayed at my side, guiding me and loving me with his own ways. When I lost my bf and my bestfriend.. he was there, when I decided to move on, he was with me... sometimes I can't understand him... for he utter jokes that makes me think... if that is just a joke or he really meant it. Well... in my entire life, he was the only guy who told me that he wants to be the father of my child.. (hey I'm not pregnant... we are just talking about something). That was the last talk that we had.... and that was a month ago... lately I feel like he is avoiding me... for reasons that I do not know. There are so many maybe's and but's in my mind right now...

And because, I am so depressed with what is happening this past few weeks between us... my habit, the guy who's always around me, is filling in all those emptiness... though most of the time... I am always thinking of my dream. I don't know till when I can wait... for I thought something will happen this coming summer, and since everything is going nowhere... I want to give up. Choose habit and try to be happy with him... If ever dream comes back and tell me that he loves me... had proven me.... then that will be the time that I will choose...

......... but still, I'M TORN!