my habit, my love life and my dream

Clauds was asking who si HABIT.... and Thinz is also asking who is DREAM hehehe

Sino nga ba si HABIT sa buhay ko?

I met HABIT when I was 7 years old... that's 18 years ago. He is not my bestfriend, for I don't tell him anything about my life... but since his family is close with mine... he knows almost everything except my own world. Since the day I met him, he never left my side. He's always there whenever I need him. In our parents view... we are playmates. When I am about to turn 9... mom decided to go home to province and help my lola and auntie to manage our family business. I can only see him during summer vacation when I am here in Manila. We grew up separate with each other. Then, college came so fast... without my knowledge, he was really waiting for that time to come. He knew I will took my college here in Manila. Ganun pa rin sya, laging andyan whenever I need him. He got a girlfriend at that time, and I really hate that girl! For there are times that he needs to fetch me and he can't come because the girl won't allow him... well, thanks to Kuya... he's just a phone call away. Anong gagawin ko? NONE. I am not his girlfriend, kaya wala akong karapatang umangal. Few more months and we became more close with each other... he's like my boyfriend but not really. He told me he wanted to be with me and leave that annoying girl. He became my bf-- illegally! Hindi alam sa bahay at ng mga kaibigan ko... except for Jack... From then on, my life became miserable. I learned that he is still with that girl and I said goodbye to him for how many times. Then my kuya died... He was there when I am in pain... helped me whenever he could without me asking anything from him.. he just give me whatever he think is right for me. Sunod lang ako ng sunod sa kanya. But the sad part of that, anjan pa rin yung girl. He broke up with her for so many times but I do not know why he can't do anything whenever the girl begs him to go back to her life... I got tired pushing him away from me for he keeps on coming back without asking anything in return....years passed and I finished college. I made a firm decision that I will take him out of my life. I accepted suitors... when he learned about that... he said goodbye to that girl-- for good! But since I was in pain for four years with him... it never brought back my feelings for him. Few months after my graduation... I got a new boyfriend, but still he stayed at my side... trying to fix things between us. After three months... I said goodbye to my bf.... I learned that he is not worth my time... HABIT was so happy knowing that, he thought I will go back to him. But I didn't... though he's still at my side. Two years have passed. Then, I got tired of him... I asked God to send me a sign that if someone out there is really meant for me and not HABIT, someone will cross my path before my birthday... Renier came along. HABIT knew about him because I let my family know about Renier, HABIT gave up. Forgetting about the sign I asked to God, I have fallen in love with Renier-- my dearest angel. In just a short time things between Renier and I became complicated.. he left without any warning... I felt pain once again.. and HABIT rushed to my side. He tried his very best to help me forget Renier and it didn't come through. Looking for answers about what happened between me and my angel, I met a nice friend named Dennis...he calls me alugbati and I called him tsokolateng makulit, he always makes me smile, cheer me up whenever I am down. Made me see things I wasnt able to see, in his own little ways. Carlo came and made me realize all the mistakes I have done. We became best of friends, when things between us seems quite different I tried to avoid him... but he begged to me. When HABIT learned about him, he almost freaked out. He got afraid and starts to monitor me... what am I doing, sino kausap ko... sino new friends ko. A few more weeks and Carlo is still the same... I told him that its not good and I don't want to fall for him. Well... he doesn't want too. Until such time that we are already arguing about that matter... then DREAM helped me out.DREAM is just an ordinary looking guy... guwapo pa malayo si Carlo at HABIT, lamang pa ng konti si Renier... I think... hehehe. But DREAM is every girl wants to have- Responsible, Sweet, Thoughtful, Stable and most of all AVAILABLE. I lost communication with Carlo due to some reasons and he got paranoid, he thought I found someone and freaked out. He got afraid of losing me that's why he asked me if I want him to be my bf... at first I was hesitant... but I just decided to say I DO for I asked God about it. HABIT was really hurt... then he told me... "Ayaw na kitang masaktan ulit, nung makita kitang umiiyak dahil kay Renier, hindi ko kinaya... tapos si Carlo naman ngayon." Those words didn't bother me. DREAM told me also how hard it is... I didn't listen. Although I know, I still need to know how much he loves, and HABIT and DREAM is right... he didn't surpassed the trial.... HABIT was happy but a little afraid still. He knew it doesnt mean that I am going back with him. DREAM.. was silent... he didn't speak at all about that matter... he just said that it is very hard. DREAM let me move on... by myself but he's by my side. HABIT is doing everything to win me back. It's like... he wants me to feel that with him, I don't have to worry about security, that with him everything is ok. Later I learned some of the reasons why he never had the guts to tell our families about us, it's because of me. Dad (my uncle), asked him before if I have a boyfriend and I am not allowed to have one until I finish my course. That, that annoying girl threatened him that she will commit suicide, that she will let her family know that something happened between them already and that she knows about us. He is afraid of losing me. That when I finished college, he got all the strength that he needs.... and so on. Now, I understand how hard it is for HABIT to see me crying... though I cried with him for so many times before.

I learned those things last year, yet... I still want to be with DREAM. Maybe because until now, whenever I am with HABIT, I still feel like something is missing... unlike when I am with DREAM, I feel safe and nothing to worry at all.